I am a passionate and loyal person. I love my family members and friends with a love that has been described as "a mama bear protecting her cubs". I have been told this is not a bad thing. I have been told by people close to me that they are glad to have me in their corner. But I have learned over the last 10 days that it is not always easy to be this type of person. I am honest. I want and expect people to speak truth into my life -- they do and have. Those are the people that my friendships with have lasted over time, distance, and many different circumstances. Carole once sat me down and said things no one else was willing to say and I certainly didn't want to hear. Liz has told me on more than one occasion to "Shut Up" when I was freaking out over something totally out of my control. Thank the good Lord I am married to a Godly man that loves God more than anything else and that I can go to for guidance. Nick frequently reigns me in--not an easy job to be sure. Sarah, Stephanie and Ashley will always give me honest answers to whatever I ask. I love and respect these friends. I want to be that type of friend. Always. Even when it hurts.
So.... in the last several days a situation occurred that hurt deeply. I felt the need to be honest and it did not go well. I have cried and prayed a lot about this situation. I opened my Bible and considered the accusations made against me. As it says in 1 Corinthians 13:7 "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in faith, test yourselves...". I have done this. I asked Nick to "call me out if I am in error" It is not about being right or wrong. But how can we hold each other accountable as fellow believers if we are not willing to bring to light what we have observed? We have had several conversations about this. One thing he said that has stuck with me is "how are you being judgmental when you are speaking truth based on actions?" Indeed! There are Biblical guidelines for believers who hold each other accountable, and the purpose for a Christian confrontation is to help and heal, not harm. Galatians 6:12 tell us that if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore them gently.
So as I continued in my study seeking wisdom for my heart that hurt, I stumbled across the verse Ephesians 2:25 Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbors for we are all members of one body. This is exactly what my friends do for me and what I am willing to do for my friends. Even when it hurts.
The last place I ended up was in Colossians 1:10 and we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way, bearing fruit in every good work growing in the knowledge of God. That is my prayer today. That I will be able to use the passion and loyalty in my relationships in a way that may "please Him in every way." I want honesty and truth to be present in each of my relationships. I want to be better in my reactions to certain situations. I will be the first to admit that I overreact. I will be the first to admit when I am in error. But I cannot apologize for being obedient. I cannot apologize for speaking out when I see people being hurt. I am flawed and need work. I am still striving to be who God has called me to be. Even when it means speaking truth, even when it hurts.
Way back in May, Caroline participated in her annual recital, and she was a star! She's in a "big girl" class now, so no more tu-tus...it's cute little skirts with leotards now.
